Monday 14 November 2016

Chronology of a Dark Mind



Are you afraid of dark,
Can you sleep in a closed room with lights off,
Can you feel the presence of some unwanted entity in your room

Can you feel it whispering in your ears...

You don't remember but you remember something happened

Those words they will hunt you for eternity...

No no no

I'm not talking about you

Or someone you know

It did happen with me..

I can still feel her

Yes the entity was a she

No I didn't see her I don't remember what happened that night,
But i remember the words..
Words so powerful,
So fierce,
It will haunt you for eternity if you don't understand it..
It haunted me ,
Took me 10 long years
To understand the meaning of those words,
But after I understood the words ..
I felt
I can't describe what I felt.
But I felt something good..
Something that all mortals look for their entire life but they just die by getting lost in the Abyss of a Mirage of Serenity.

I felt peace..
I felt free...
I felt serenity..

I thought it was over ..
Couldn't sleep for 10 damn years ..
Couldn't stand the darkness..
Life I lost the meaning of it..
The words I remember was nothing but a simple question ..
"Are you free??"

Freedom that was haunting me,

I knew I had it..
But I was wrong..
More I explored more I realised that to obtain security not only me but all of us has surrendered their freedom.
But ultimately we all are slaves..
Slaves of a Master
Not one but few
Nothing changed from Dark Ages
Just the type of slavery
It's changed..
We all live in a Mirage of slavery..
We give up all our decision making senses
And hope that some one will fix our problems..

Yeah that's screwed up..
Yeah my mind got screwed up ..
My life got screwed up.

I overcame it..
By achieving the true meaning of 'Being Free'
But that's a long story
No no no
This is not a story this is my life.
But for you it's story..

So where was I...
I remember..
I understood the true meaning of 'Being Free'

Then I felt peace
I felt free
I felt serenity...

The haunting was over..
I can again sleep in the Darkness..
I can sleep in a Closed Room with Lights off...

But was it over...

"Hi !!!!!!!!!!!!"
A lady whispered ...
I remember it..
I can still feel her warm breath..
I can still feel her warm scent...

But I never saw it..
But I was in a closed room..
But I was alone..
But I was in a darkroom


I didn't do drugs or drink alcohol..
Neither I'm a psychopath nor a crazy one

But it did happen..

And my life was screwed again...

Tuesday 15 March 2016

Chronology of a Dark Mind



Am I a psychopath? Am I ?
Am I a killer ? Am I?
They all think about these naughty stuffs about me.
Yeah they
The civilians.
The poor souls .
Those always blame others for their very own mistakes.
Those good for nothing bastards.
Or shall I refer them as retards mentally retards.
LoL .
Laughing out Loud that's the meaning of LoL.
But these young retards don't even know the meaning of it.
Retards . shame 
Shameless generation.
Principle less generation.
Goal less generation .
What to do with them?
How to teach them values?
There is no need to teach them.
Then what leave them like this???
Let us say .
They should learn themselves.
Learn what?
Values. Not only value how to nourish the blessing of life.
But only the one who will survive will learn to nourish the blessing of life.



Episode 1

I , who am I? What am I? Am I a normal guy? Or I'm just exceptional? Why I have no guilt? Why I'm not guilty ? Why?

Questions questions too many questions I ask myself regularly... I repeat them  ..... I constantly ask them ... To whom?

To me . I ask these questions to me . I ask them to myself . I try to answer them. But . I don't have the answers for them.

Then , why?

Why I ask them to myself?

Why I'm looking for answers?


Why ... This term 'Why' is a very powerful word. One 'Why' can stop a conversation, it has the power to start a conflict and most devastating power of it is that it has the power to take life from a healthy well nourished relationship.

Did I did something that take away life from relationship?

I was involved in a relationship.... Well i don't know..

What I've done? What?


Why I repeat this question?

That's the million dollar question.
I don't know the answer.Maybe its because of guilt. Guilt . That's a very dangerous thing in this universe. Guilt it has a power to put some one on his knees to cry, to beg, even though the strongest can't survive guilt.

What guilt I don't know ?

What am I doing here ?

Again why?
But why !

Monday 23 November 2015


"I'm in pain"

"Yes I'm in pain"

"I can't explain my pain to you.   I don't know.  How I'll be able to make you feel my pain . "

"What will happen if you are tied up. So tightly . So that you can't move your body."

"Your mouth sealed up by a duck tape restricting your voice. Suffocating you.
You grasp for air but can't ."

"Needles..Sharp needles being inserted into your eyelids."

"That's hurtful . You can't scream . You can't call for help . But you want to end this .But you know this is just the beginning. Do you experience pain?"

"You want to beg for mercy to stop the suffering but you can't  . How can you? Your mouth its duck taped. Only sound that's coming out is your moan which sounds that you are in lots of pain."

"It hurts I know it hurts."

"But how can I hurt you , how can I give you so much pain? How can I do this to you?"

"I love you . You are my life . You are my soul."

"How can I hurt my soul?"

"How can I end my life?"

"Hurting you will hurt me more than it will hurt you."

"I failed."

"Yes I failed!!!"

"Yes I failed to live up to your expectations "

"I failed to be your love, but ...  but you should've guided me ."

"You should've left me."

"You didn't."


"TO GIVE ME MORE PAIN??? TO SEE ME SUFFER ON MY FAILURES   or just wanted to see me. or just wanted to see me die?"


"you just want to see me dead."

"you want to see me die in a painful way like splitting my wrists and let the red blood flow through my vines slowly slowly taking away my breathes.. my sight ... my warmth .... my life."


"you had every reason to leave me.You didn't. Why?"

"You you don't love me anymore but then also you decided to live with me. Why????"

"Only to give me pain . To see my suffering."

" Do you've any idea how much in pain I'm . How much I suffer . I do believe you have an idea and you enjoy it."


"What shall I do"

"How can I convince my love to you"

A bullet shell falls to the ground. Bouncing bouncing spinning then it becomes motionless.

A body falls to the ground.

Stream of red river flows through his cheek, reaches the white floor valley and flows vividly.

He moans.. In pain. In failure.
"I failed I can't even kill myself at point blank."
He tries to get up .
Fails again.
Tries to sit .
Sits like a dog. On four legs all body shaking in pain.
Blood dropping through hi cheek and makes its way to the floor.
He stands up
But can walk just like baby steps.
Goes near to the bed.
Lies down on it.
Turns right grabs her wrist which is split open and had no life in it.
The girl lying next to him. Had no life in it but still had the warmth of life in her body. He puts his hand on her belly. hugs like a baby and closes his eyes.
Girl's eyes were wide open with needles pierced into the eyelids.

The End..